At Sea
Fri. 6th Apr. '45
My Darling Ni,
I write this epic at sea, something I seldom if ever do, but the fact is you've been constantly on my mind since I last saw you, every minute of every day, & I have to write this & write it now. It was simply swell to see you again, & so typical of you to go to all that trouble just for the sake of seeing me. It makes me feel positively humble.
But it's been like that all along, you have given me so much, love, affection, even faith & all you ever had in return was a lot of fancy talk & a few red roses. Why dont you that that Red Cross type's advice & eat me right out. God knows, I dont want it that way, but I have nothing to offer you, just nothing & it would be fair of me to expect you to stick around in the hope that some day I might marry you. Some decent type who will be around all the time, who can look after you & give you the things you deserve, is what you want, & not a broken down, imbecunious, sea-going engineer that you have a chance of seeing about one week in a year.
Actually I had intended telling you all this when I saw you, but I couldn't, kid, I couldn't do anything to hurt you not even a little bit. You're so sweet.
Please, please, Ni, understand what I am trying to say. I phrase it badly, & I'm sorry, but I mean everything I have said; with all my heart.
I shall keep writing to you & if we return to the States I shall try to see you. But it may be that you will not want it that way, & I cannot find it in my heart to blame you if you don't.
Please forgive me, my darling, & Thanks.
Yours
Gil
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